Media Firestorm
by rogen80
Summary: The galactic media catches wind of Shepard and Tali's relationship. How will they react? Features quasi-news stories written from different perspectives. Takes place sometime after the reclamation of Rannoch in Mass Effect 3.
1. Terra Firma Herald

_Terra Firma Herald_ – September 2186.

"Scandal Ridden Spectre Reaches New Low: Shepard's Relationship with Quarian Confirmed."

By Wilhelm Phritz

CITADEL – Earlier this week, reporters have confirmed a rumor that has been circulating for the better part of 3 years; namely, that the famous Commander Shepard is romantically involved with an alien. While Commander Shepard is known for his ardent support of non-human species, the confirmed revelation of his xenophilic tendencies comes as a shock to many. Eyewitnesses have seen the esteemed spectre holding hands with a certain quarian female in several entertainment and shopping districts in the Wards, which added some credence to various gossip circles. Despite this, the rumor remained uncertain until a brief confrontation in Kithoi Ward on Tuesday unequivocally confirmed his aberrant relationship. "An asari walked up to them and made some quip about the Commander being seen with a dirty suit-rat," claims one bystander. "She said he 'could do better' and what not. Well, apparently, that was the wrong thing to say. He started yelling at her about insulting his 'girlfriend' and such. Luckily, the asari backed down; no telling what would've happened if she pressed the issue." The asari who confronted the pair claimed to be "traumatized by the spectacle" and regretted that the spectre could not be charged with verbal assault. "He got into my face," the teary-eyed asari (who wishes to remain anonymous) relayed to reporters, "and he started shouting me down! In public! I've never been so humiliated."

In order to quell dissent and prevent an unnecessary distraction to the Reaper war, the spectre was encouraged by the Council to make an official statement. Once again, it would seem that the spectre does not care to display any political acumen. He said on Wednesday: "I was told by the Council to make a statement denying the rumors and allegations surrounding my relationship with a quarian. I suppose it would be easy to claim that the eyewitness accounts are false and that those individuals only seek to defame my reputation. In doing so, however, I would be betraying not only my honor, but also my love for Tali'Zorah. […] I will say it again: I'm madly in love with Tali'Zorah vas Normandy and I think that it is safe to say that the feeling is mutual. I will not compromise our bond for anything and if anyone has issue with it, they can go to Hell. […]" (see B12 for the full speech)

To his dismay, Shepard's brazen defense of his quarian lover has forever tarnished his standing in galactic society. Finally, our party's criticism of Shepard's associations with aliens is gaining some momentum, even if the official governments decry the importance of this revelation. For instance, Terra Firma demanded that the Alliance reprove Shepard for his deviancy. Unsurprisingly, the Alliance rebuffed our request, replying that "there is no cause to reprimand Commander Shepard since the situation on Kithoi Ward resulted in no injuries. Regarding his relationship with Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, it is not the place of the Alliance to comment."

Never the less, this has created a polarizing effect in the galactic media. While he is facing well deserved criticism on the extranet and from a few news outlets, some groups have come out in defense of the relationship. The Quarian Liberty Group, a shameless organization that ultimately seeks to reclaim a quarian embassy on the Presidium, has recently issued a statement: "It fills us with great joy that Captain Shepard is not ashamed of his relationship with one of our people. Too long have quarian and human relationships been mocked as 'impractical' and 'reckless'. As a result, most try to hide their love for fear of public disapproval. We commend Tali and Shepard for their courage and hope that they both find happiness in each other's arms, even in these dark times."

For those of us who wish to remain loyal to humanity, this act of romantic heterodoxy solidifies our disappointment in the first human spectre. Far from being the bastion of human advancement, Shepard has repeatedly shown himself to be an alien sympathizer. Instead of protecting our own besieged planet, he has been busy assisting the turians, krogan, quarians, and even the geth – brokering alliances between old enemies while our beloved Earth burns. His repulsive affection for a dirty quarian mechanic adds insult to injury, but is hardly surprising in retrospect. Shepard has never been interested in helping humanity, only in advancing his own perverted ideals. It is time to abandon the cult of Shepard and find a new hero of the human race.

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**A/N: I hope this pseudo-news story was enjoyable. I thought it'd be interesting to write from a unique perspective. As my first fan-fiction, I'd appreciate any critiques/revi****ews. Thanks!**


	2. The Speech

**A/N Originally, I was just going to leave this as a "one-shot", but a number of people expressed an interest in seeing more. Thank you for reviewing! **

**I figured I'd flesh out the speech referenced in the previous chapter. It's pretty short and fluffy at parts, but I hope you all enjoy! :)**

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_Earlier that week…_

We are Live here on the Citadel Presidium awaiting an address to be given by Commander Shepard of the Alliance military. Urged by the Citadel Council, the Commander will be responding to attacks on his reputation following an incident in the Kithoi Ward yesterday. The incident allegedly confirmed that the Commander is romantically involved with Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, a recently appointed quarian admiral. Since some in the galaxy see cross-species relationships in a negative light, and because the Commander is such a prominent and public figure, it was deemed that an account for this incident be given in order to maintain morale. The Council fears that a heated public debate on this topic would create unnecessary fissures in the resolve of the populous. And now, we turn to the Commander, Live on the Presidium:

"I was told by the Council to make a statement denying the rumors and allegations surrounding my relationship with a quarian. I suppose it would be easy to claim that the eyewitness accounts are false and that those individuals only seek to defame my reputation. In doing so, however, I would be betraying not only my honor, but also my love for Tali'Zorah.

Indeed, the_ easy _path is seldom the one I walk. I figure that this case is no different. The Council may be concerned about dividing public opinion when there is a need for unity. But our unity must be firmly rooted in Truth, not lies and deceptions. Thus, I will not dodge the truth simply because others may find it inconvenient. And I certainly _will not_ apologize for loving the woman who has been at my side since the beginning. The woman who believed in me when everyone else scattered. The woman who has dedicated her life to saving a galaxy that has scorned, derided, and rejected her people. The woman who has stolen my heart…

I will say it again: I'm madly in love with Tali'Zorah vas Normandy and I think that it is safe to say that the feeling is mutual. I will not compromise our bond for anything and if anyone has issue with it, they can go to Hell.

I hope now that I've abdicated any notion of having a private life, we can focus on defeating the Reapers. I want to thank you all for your time today: Stay strong and fight well."

"Commander Shepard! Sidney Gadani, _The Daily Dabbler_. Do you and Tali have any plans if we get through this war?"

"_When _we beat the Reapers. When we drive them back into whatever Hell they came from, I fully intend to fulfill a promise made to Tali since she was in her bubble: I will build her a home on the Homeworld – on Rannoch. After that, who knows? Maybe we'll get married; raise a family. One big 'happily ever after'."

"Commander! Commander! Joseph Murphy, _Mind Over Matter_. Do you think your bond with an admiral will foster a more permanent alliance between humanity and the quarian people?"

"Ha! I think I'll leave that one to the politicians. All I can say is that I'd love to see long term coöperation between the Alliance and Rannoch."

"Over here! Vylma S'Turne, _Asari Aesthetics_. Have you seen her face? If so could you describe her features?"

"I have, actually. But I won't describe her face for you; my pitiful descriptions could never do her justice. Suffice it to say, she is absolutely beautiful. Once the quarians acclimate to Rannoch, you may have the privilege of seeing them unmasked one day."

"Shepard! Sophia Sophist, _Terra Firma Herald_. I can't help but think this is just another slap in the face of humanity. Going so far as to date a quarian? Even asari relationships are somewhat tolerated, but quarians? Did you scrape the bottom of the barrel just to...

"Enough! I don't have to justify my relationship to anyone, least of all you. And I won't stand here and let you insult the quarian people. I think that's enough questions. I bid you all good day."

And now we see the Commander walking off the stage. It seems Tali'Zorah was in the audience; they briefly embrace and begin to egress the room, holding hands. As you can hear, the room is filled with the din of reporters trying to get in a last question as they walk out. This has been Jonathan Wicker, ANN news, thank you for watching.

Up next, Larry Tompson discusses post-war economy. Will the _credit_ hold any weight, or will we be using a barter system? Stay Tuned!_  
_

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**A/N Much different tone than the last one; let me know what you all think. My next update will be a "proper" article, not sure from what angle yet. I think there's a lot of potential here, so hopefully it will be enjoyable. Again, thank you for your comments and critiques!**

**Nota Bene: Any names used are totally made-up. Any references to real people is coincidental. **


	3. The Rayya Reader

_The Rayya Reader_

"Newest Admiral Bonds with Human: Is it Love or Politics?"

By Gallius'Shair vas Rannoch (formerly vas Rayya)

It would be an insult, dear reader, to suggest that you are not aware of the events that took place a week ago concerning the love life of our beloved Admiral, Tali'Zorah vas Normandy nar Rayya. Yes, it certainly caused quite the stir in the galactic community when her human bondmate made a big speech revealing their romantic involvement with each other.

Now, most of you know that I knew Tali'Zorah before she went on her pilgrimage. She was, by all accounts, the perfect quarian: an exceptional student, strong willed, compassionate, and (most of all) fiercely loyal to the Migrant Fleet. I once asked her what she would like to do with her life. She told me that she wanted to bring back a grand pilgrimage gift (which she did), build a productive career as an engineer, marry a respectable man, and raise a strong family. Evidently, things did not go according to plan. If I went back in time and told her that instead she'd be swept off her feet by an alien commander and roped into a noble crusade of galactic import, she would've laughed until her vocalizer broke! Ah, but the Ancestors do love to meddle with the plans of the living.

She has certainly earned the respect of the galactic community with her many achievements and acts of heroism. But this leaves us, dear reader, with a burning question: why an amorous relationship with the human commander? Indeed, some believe it is simply a means to an end. Is it a political machination in order to improve relations with the quarians and the rest of the galactic community? Or have they _truly _bonded, in total commitment and love (as described in the Scroll of the Ancestors, T'K. 12:4-9)? Let us attempt to discern the essence of Tali's relationship with Shepard. Is it motivated by love or politics?

I believe it is safe to say that Tali would have been an exile had not the Commander advocated so strongly on her behalf. After all, they had no evidence to support their case. Ultimately, it was Shepard's silver tongue that won the day. Some have said that his bold defense was not motivated by an altruistic sense of "duty to one's crew"; rather, by a more _base_ motivation (we quarians are renowned for our agility, after all). If so, Tali would have displayed masterful political cunning: manipulating his passions in order to ensure that he would stop at nothing to help her.

Now, let us abandon ancient history and look to the present: The reclamation of our Homeworld. Admiral Tali'Zorah and Commander Shepard were instrumental in this glorious victory. However, without Shepard and the Normandy crew's aid, the Geth would have obliterated us for good. Instead, we are at peace with the Geth and they are even assisting in our rebuilding efforts. Can we attribute this victory, ultimately, to the carnal hold Tali has on the Commander? Would Shepard have been so willing to reclaim Rannoch and save our people if he didn't share his bed with one of us? That is, did Tali use her keen political guile in order to secure Shepard's devotion to our cause?

I do hope that you can see the absurdity of these claims. As erstwhile mentioned, I happen to know Tali quite well. Those that posit the above (namely, that Tali's relationship is simply a means to an end or a political tool), obviously know little about her.

If one thing must be said of Tali'Zorah, it is that she is a genuine soul. Ever since she was a child, she has displayed the utmost integrity. I am therefore convinced that her love for Commander Shepard is sincere.

Let us consider, if you will, just a couple examples of her devotion. When news of Shepard's death reached the Fleet (shortly after Tali finished her pilgrimage), she was utterly devastated at the news. Indeed, her mourning was intense and lasting. It was not compatible with one who simply seeks to use another for his own ends. Rather, it was indicative of losing someone close. Although it is unknown if they were "dating" (to use a human term) at that point, the seeds of romance were certainly beginning to sprout.

Also, when it was discovered that Shepard was in fact alive, she was anxious to return to his charge. Of course, she completed her mission first (as any good quarian would), but after fulfilling her duties, she quickly requested a transfer. Her desire to be by his side, despite the political consequences of serving on a human vessel, suggests that there is a true bond between them.

Given these indicators, and the fact that Tali is a woman of great integrity, I conclude that their relationship is firmly rooted in love. I find it refreshing that even in the darkest days, with the Reapers at our door, Tali is able to find a man who completes her. While I've never met the Commander in person, he seems honorable and I trust Tali's judgment. It may be difficult for them, as they have many detractors, but a true bond such as theirs cannot be broken. Indeed, they will be stronger for it. Plus, it gives them something to fight for: a reason beyond an ideal or hatred for the enemy. As a famous human philosopher once wrote: "The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him."

May the Ancestors watch over them and all fighting in this war. Keelah se'lai!

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**A/N: Quarians love to debate! I tried to get that across, without using a dialogue. I hope it didn't read like someone's idle ramblings...**


	4. Battlespace

**A/N: Sorry for the delay in posting. This one was a struggle to write because I wanted to get an accurate portrayal of the characters, Tali especially. Did I succeed? I guess you can be the judge. **

**I also went with "John" for Shepard's first name. I know it's cliché, but I figure it's better than having some bizarre name like Navarro, Trogdor, or Billy.**

**Additionally, I decided to go with Calinstel's_ To Survive _series in reference to quarian culture. He seems to be the most often cited and therefore _de facto_ authority on the matter, as the in-game codex contains little detail on the subject (especially in regard to courtship)_. _So, full credit to him!**

**Also, I changed the rating to T for "suggestive themes", although there's really nothing graphic. Just want to be safe and protect the innocence of the youth.**

**Lastly, thank you to all for the reviews! They are quite helpful and encouraging. =)**

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_Battlespace_

"Interview with Galaxy's Sexiest Quarian"

By Diana Allers

Tali'Zorah: You're not really going to use that title are you?

Diana Allers: Oh don't worry about that… just part of the "media game", you know? Gotta grab people's attention.

T'Z: Fine. Let's just get this over with.

DA: That's the spirit! Okay, we're live in 5 minutes.

* * *

**DA: Good evening to all our viewers! We have a very special guest with us: Tali'Zorah vas Normandy nar Rayya. Thank you for agreeing to be with us. **

T'Z: Well, I can't let John… I mean _Shepard_ have all the attention!

**DA: You of all people can use his first name, Miss Zorah. **

T'Z: I know, and I do… but I'm the only one that seems to use it. Not even Garrus calls him John.

**DA: Well, you two must be pretty close then. **

T'Z: That obvious huh? Yeah, we'd be lost without each other.

**DA: I see. Ready for the first question?**

T'Z: Go ahead.

**DA: When did you two meet?**

T'Z: About three years ago. I was still a Pilgrim at the time. Um, he sort of rescued me from Saren's assassins. You see, I had this data that proved he was a traitor. I tried to pass it off, but was betrayed. Just when I thought I was about to meet the Ancestors, John comes in guns blazing. He took me to the human embassy and then let me join his crew to take down Saren.

**DA: Yes, according to the reports, you were instrumental in the downfall of the rogue spectre. Now, when he recruited you, was it love at first sight?**

T'Z: Not exactly. I mean, I thought he was cute... but quarian bonding happens in stages. I didn't recognize I was on the path until his 2 year absence shortly after the Battle of the Citadel.

**DA: The path?**

T'Z: Right, what we call the stages of bonding doesn't translate well, but it's something like "the pathway to the soul". Once we find our "soulmate", to use a human term, we stay with that person for life.

**DA: So, quarians are always faithful to their bondmate?**

T'Z: Theoretically. Quarians are monogamous; part of the reason is practical because of our immune systems. The other part is, well, deeper than that. I'm probably over simplifying, but let's just say that once we fall in love with someone, we stay in love with that person. Although infidelity does happen, it's rare. With our immune systems, one cannot simply have a "fling" as humans call it, so it would have to be planned out and deliberate. Also, our bonds run deep, so it really only happens if the couple's bond wasn't formed properly to begin with.

**DA: How do you know it's an authentic bond?**

T'Z: Well, like I said, there are stages. Three to be exact: The first step on the path involves a strong friendship – like you could share your deepest secrets with that person. Looking back, I was probably at this stage for most of our adventures against Saren. The second stage is when you feel the need to be by the other person's side, both in good situations and bad. The last stage is entered when you both know that you're incomplete without the other. It's hard to describe, but you feel lost without the other person. That's how I knew we had bonded. When John and I had to part ways a few weeks after the Collector Base was destroyed, I just felt _lost_.

**DA: Interesting, but how can this work between a human and a quarian?**

T'Z: I don't know how. All I know is that it did. John isn't an ordinary human either; I mean, what we have is _not_ one sided. He cares as deeply about me as I do for him. Sometimes I think he might be part quarian!

**DA: It would make for an interesting xenoanthropology thesis for sure. Do you two plan on marriage?**

T'Z: Technically we've already bonded, but we decided to have a bonding ceremony after the war. I have to make it official that Tali'Zorah is off the market! Or I guess it'd be "Tali'Shepard"… you know what I mean. We may also adopt a few children who were orphaned during the war.

**DA: A noble goal. Now we'll turn to a few questions from our viewers. Some of these questions may be a bit personal, so feel free to decline to answer. **

T'Z: Okay.

**DA: From a ****human stationed on the frigate **_**Trafalgar**_**: "Do you find 'Date night' awkward since you can't eat the same food?"**

T'Z: Totally, he's always wasting resources on expensive food! I mean, it's _delicious_, but I could buy 10 tubes for what he spends on one meal. He says he loves "spoiling me"… so I guess I'll have to get used to it.

**DA: Wow, I think you're the only girl who complains about getting a free meal!**

T'Z: Oh I'm not ungrateful… it's just hard to get out of the conservation mindset of the flotilla. Now that we have our own planet, I'm looking forward to rediscovering quarian cuisine. Turian food is nice, but imagine the untapped potential of Rannoch!

**DA: From a vorcha on Bachjret Ward: "Why you use shot-gun when grenade launcher better?"**

T'Z: Umm… I like shotguns?

**DA: From an asari on Tayseri Ward: "Don't nerve-stim programs get old after a while?" Again Tali, you don't have to answer.**

T'Z: No, it's ok. I'm tired of people thinking that quarians can never leave our suits. I've… adapted to John's physiology quite effectively. So, there is little need for those programs.

**DA: From a quarian on the vessel **_**Helash**_**: "Isn't it dangerous to link suits with a human?"**

T'Z: Maybe a little, but we minimized the risks before my… um, our first time. My reaction was surprisingly minor. Quarians and humans aren't that different physically, except the whole protein thing. After all, they're the only known sentient race to have hair besides us.

**DA: From a hanar on the Presidium: "Does that one find the other to be attractive?" **

T'Z: Find what attractive?

**DA: I think it means "do you find Shepard attractive" or perhaps "does he find you attractive"?**

T'Z: Yes to both.

**DA: Do you want to elaborate?**

T'Z: No, I think I'll keep that between John and me.

**DA: Fair enough. From a batarian on Shalta Ward: "How many eyes do quarians have?"**

T'Z: Really? They glow behind the mask!

**DA: Maybe he wants to know if you have any others that don't glow?**

T'Z: No, we just have two and they're bio-luminescent. John sometimes calls them "beautiful pearls". I don't know what a pearl is, but it sounds romantic.

**DA: Certainly romantic, if a bit sappy. Here's one from a krogan stationed on Palaven: "Who is the dominant mate?"**

T'Z: Depends if you mean on the battlefield or in the bedroom...

**DA: Is that so?**

T'Z: Mmm... yes and no. I guess neither if us really. We are ONE by our bond, so everything we do together is an expression of that oneness.

**DA: From a salarian on Sur'Kesh: "****You're aware of the impossibility of procreation, so w****hat do have to gain from this bond?"**

T'Z: Everything, we complete each other. Just because our amino acids are incompatible doesn't in anyway devalue our relationship! We love each other, and that's all that matters to us.

**DA: From an _alleged_ "prothean" on a "primitive" frigate: "Why do primitives of this cycle care so much about the Commander's choice of a mate? It is a pointless distraction from the Reaper War."**

T'Z: Ha! I think that one is directed at _you _and your managers! Why _do_ you all care so much about our relationship?

**DA: You're famous, so you're news! Anyway, that's about all the time we have for now. Thank you again for your time, Miss Zorah. **

T'Z: Sure, this was... fun.

**DA: This has been in the _Battlespace_ with Diana Allers. S****tay safe out there.**


	5. Asari Aesthetics

**A/N: Short one today, but I don't know anything about fashion. Perhaps it's for the best... Anyway, thanks for reading and reviewing! **

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_Asari Aesthetics _

"Fashion Revolution of 2186 – Envirosuits Are IN!"

By Tawdri Rococo

For the last several millennia, we asari have set the pace of galactic fashion. From dresses to jewelry, the definition of style was written on Thessia. Everyone assumed that our monopoly was unshakable; however, it seems that our undefeated status may be challenged after all. What society could possibly rival asari vogue? Have the rising-star humans surpassed us in this area as well? What if I told you that it was, in fact, the _quarians _who have stolen the spotlight? I guarantee that if I made that claim two weeks ago, people would've laughed the blue off my face! But it's true, and it's an interesting turn of events.

Quarians have never been known to possess any fashion sense whatsoever. While I never condone racist thoughts, there is a reason that they are referred to as suit-rats. They are known for wearing grease-stained envirosuits with redundant filters, metallic vocalizers, murky visors, and (to top off the stylistic monstrosity) that tatty cloth they weave around their head and body. Okay, I get that their cloth-thing represents their clan and defines their vocation. Fine. But have they ever heard of a washing machine? It's like they're not even trying!

Trust me, I am no racist. I don't say these things to be mean. In fact, I've always felt sorry for them and wanted to help. I've made fashion suggestions to them, but they've always turned me down. I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "that's nice, but it's a waste of resources." It's like they all had a martyr complex or something. I eventually just gave up.

That was the past. Now, quarian envirosuits are hotter than _Forever Maiden_ brand-name clothing! I think we all can infer the reason. When the most famous human in the galaxy is dating a quarian, it's not hard to see the connection. For all the controversy, their unveiled relationship has made waves in the fashion world.

Asari and human women have been beating down the doors of custom clothing outlets to get their hands on modified envirosuits. These modified suits don't possess any of the functional benefits of their quarian counter-parts; however, they are just as form-fitting. I must admit that those suits accentuate one's curves quite nicely. I'm sure this little detail did not pass the famous human Spectre unnoticed.

Some have even gone to see plastic surgeons around the citadel for silicone hip implants. This surgery costs 4,000 credits per side and augments one's hips so that they approximate the width of quarian females. These ladies say they are tired of being "narrow-hipped" and want to "fill-out their new envirosuits." To each her own, I suppose.

It will be interesting to see if this new fad is permanent, or a flash in the pan. Only time will tell. Stay fabulous out there!

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**Express Yourself!** To respond to future surveys, please visit the _Asari Aesthetics _extranet site.

I find quarian envirosuits to be stylish.

67% Agree

21% Disagree

12% Other

Representative of Other: "I find them neither stylish nor unstylish."

...

I've purchased a new envirosuit to follow the trend.

41% Agree

39% Disagree

20% Other

Representative of Other: "I plan to buy one, but it's on backorder."

...

I no longer look down on quarians for their attire.

72% Agree

10% Disagree

18% Other

Representative of Other: "I've never looked down on quarian attire."

...

I think it's refreshing to have a new fashion trend.

81% Agree

18% Disagree

1% Other

Representative of Other: "This question is unfairly biased."

...

Age

1-150: 33%

151-250: 37%

251-500: 25%

501-1000: 5%

...

Sex

Monogender: 83%

Alien: 17%


	6. Meditations of the Mundane

**A/N: The previous article was, admittedly, quite silly. It was written from the point of view of a young asari and was intended to satirize celebrity-worship. Not sure if that sense got across or if it was seen as just plain bizarre…**

**Anyway, I think it's time to balance with something a little more serious (but hopefully entertaining). This one will be from an older asari and will have a healthy dose of matriarchal arrogance with a splash of hypocrisy. Enjoy!**

**Chronological note: These articles are written after the quarians reclaim Rannoch and before Thessia is besieged by the Reapers.**

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_Meditations of the Mundane _

"Much Ado about Nothing: First Human Spectre Goes 'Xeno'"

By Matriarch Priseah

If one turns on the news, she will be assaulted with story after story of the "stunning" revelation of Commander Shepard and Admiral Zorah's romantic relationship. These insipid accounts claim that the couple is either "boldly breaking down social stigmas" or "foolishly tarnishing their dignity." Has the galaxy forgotten that we asari have written the book on cross-species mating? Truly, this revelation is hardly worth mentioning, yet it takes up precious air time!

Perhaps because it is a human and quarian pairing, the media feels a need to endlessly discuss the matter. Indeed, human space-exploration is barely passed its infancy, so their presence in the galactic community is quite new. In fact, I was a matron before the humans had even circumnavigated their own planet! And yet, these children dare assume themselves worthy of sitting with the adults on the council.

The quarians at least have been around a while. They understand their place in the galaxy and know better than to steal the spot-light from their betters. When they grew proud and arrogant, they were justly struck down for their hubris. Their 300 year penance was light compared to what they deserved, but the Goddess may have had mercy on them due to their short lifespans. Regardless, they learned quickly in their exile that they are not worthy to be called one of the great races of our time.

This leaves me wondering why reputable asari news outlets are giving attention to this forgettable bonding of two lesser species. At best, this time is wasted on a pointless story. At worst, it is corrupting our youth. Indeed, some of our own children are playing "dress-up" in quarian attire! These young women should be emulating great asari figures, not imitating lower beings. The problem is that the youth have forgotten what it means to be an asari.

The asari are well known for our ability to meld with any species. This has led some to the erroneous belief that one must understand and coöperate with other cultures. They forget that we simply use their alien DNA to randomize our own; our children do not truly share any genetic traits of their other mother. This proves that we are meant to utilize other cultures and races for our own gain, not bend knee to them. So too, this obsessive fixation on Tali and Shepard's relationship is pointless since there is nothing to be gained from it.

Further, a human and quarian bond, while unconventional, is hardly interesting. For one, both parties have doomed themselves to infertility. They can never have a child of their own, rendering their bond utterly meaningless. Of course, they could adopt, but this would not contribute to their respective gene-pools. Indeed, any children they raise would be a façade – a mask to hide their voluntary sterility. I suppose quarians are used to masks, so perhaps it wouldn't be difficult for them to live this lie.

I've considered informing the couple of their futile relationship (if only to stem the tide of useless news reports), but realized that such would be vain effort. It is easy to forget that they are but children and could not comprehend my wisdom. They would assault my ears with rhetoric of "love" and of their souls' "completion in each other" _ad nauseum_. Both humans and quarians (though quarians much more so) have juvenile and maudlin notions of "soul mates". That is, one can find spiritual completion in one's mate. Total and complete nonsense!

Clearly, there is a psychological attachment to one's mate, but ultimately all that matters is the effective propagation of one's species. We asari utilize aliens so as to better strengthen our own genetics. Nothing more. I for one have outlived several alien mates and my daughters have strong genes as a result. Thus, I have contributed to our species as a whole. However, to assume that I found "my purpose for existence" in any one of my mates is absurd. Again, I had some psychological attachments (more so in my youth), but certainly nothing as strong as what humans and quarians claim is appropriate. I posit that if they were granted proper lifespans, they would eventually come to understand that their sentiments are childish. Perhaps the Goddess has reserved this privilege to us asari. Indeed, our wisdom is what separates us from the lesser races.

It will take a while for humans and quarians to evolve enough to overcome their naïve notions of love and sentiment. For now, I suppose we must indulge their immature ideas if only to keep the peace, lest their temper tantrums trigger a violent response. Once the asari defeat the Reapers, perhaps we can resume our role of educating the philistine races.


	7. Organic Observations

**A/N: Sorry for the long delay in uploading; I was busy writing end of term papers and studying for semester finals... or pretending to study.**

**Special thanks to _TheGreatJabberyJamie_ for this idea: What do the Geth have to say about Shepard and Tali's love life? Log-book entry style: Begins with Legion's initial observations and continues from there.  
**

* * *

[Access_Memory_Node_0012:Organic_Observations]

[Access_Archive_03413:Famous_Lifemates]

[View_Entry:Creator-Tali'Zorah+Shepard-Commander]

Observations of [unit_ID: 01001100 01100101 01100111 01101001 01101111 01101110]:

[Begin_Entry_01]:

**Discovery:** Creator-Tali'Zorah and Shepard-Commander display signs of bonding.

**Evidence: **Change in vocal inflections when communicating with each other is similar to archived samples. The two are at a close proximity in 87.15% of group social settings. Shepard-Commander chooses creator for 98.82% of ground missions. Shepard-Commander spends 624% more time in Engineering than the average Alliance Captain.

Attempting to access Creator-Tali'Zorah's suit readings for comparison with archived data... Access Denied.

**Calculation: **Given evidence, probability that Creator-Tali'Zorah and Shepard-Commander's bond=true is 79.33%.

**Observation:** Normal probability of creator+human bond:_ Insufficient data_.

**Explanation:** Creator+human bonds are extremely rare. Of those that exist, 84.78% of suspected creator+human bonded-couples attempt to hide their bond from other organics.

**Hypothesis:** Creator public approval low. Revelation of creator+human status as bonded-couple has high probability of organic disapproval.

**Evidence:** [Audio_log_QHR0012]

Human1: "Hey girl, why are you always hanging around that suit-rat?"

Human2: "_WHAT_ did you call him!?"

Human1: "Whoa! Hey! No need to get testy! I was just curious. You're acting like... Oh wait, you two aren't-?"

Human2: "What if we are? I don't care that he's a quarian, I love him!"

Human1: "Ew, really? How's that working out for you? He can't even make love to you!"

Human2: "Shows what _you _know! All we need is a clean room and some immuno-"

Human1: "Ugh, _Disgusting_! You must be pretty damn desperate! Once you're done whoring around with the scum of the galaxy, you can get yourself a real man. You know where to find me..."

[End_log]

**Query:** Would revelation of Creator-Tali'Zorah and Shepard-Commander's suspected bond improve galactic opinion of creator+human bonds or destroy their reputation?

_Building Consensus_...

[End_Entry_01]

* * *

[Begin_Entry_02]

**Discovery:** Members of Normandy_Crew engage in speculations. Organic term: "gossip".

**Evidence: **[Audio_log_NSRII0178]

Cerberus Crewman 1: I heard Patterson got chewed out by Miss Lawson yesterday.

Cerberus Crewman 2: Yeah, idiot kept screwing up her calculations, but I'm not sure she deserved the dressing-down she got.

Cerberus Crewman 1: Lawson's always been kinda cold, but maybe the Commander will cheer her up. I've heard they've got a thing for each other...

Cerberus Crewman 2: Naw, I'd know if they were a couple; I work in operations. She's made a few subtle advances, but he just brushes them off.

Cerberus Crewman 1: Damn! You serious? With her voluptuous... uhm, _genetics_, I'd be all over her if I were him.

Cerberus Crewman 2: Maybe he's focused on the mission. Or too dense to notice.

Cerberus Crewman 1: Maybe he's gay?

Donnelly-Engineer: Nay, yer both wrong. I think Gabby an' I have it figured out.

Cerberus Crewman 1: Oh yeah, Donnelly?

Donnelly-Engineer: Tha's right. He's spends an' awful lotta time in Engineerin', an' I can guarantee he's not there to chat-up Gabby or me, so...

Cerberus Crewman 1: Wait, I thought you two were the only ones who worked down there? Unless you count the _quarian_...

Donnelly-Engineer: Bingo, lad.

Cerberus Crewman 2: Come on, Donnelly. I know he doesn't see eye-to-eye Cerberus' anthropocentric philosophy, but I seriously doubt he's a xenophile.

Cerberus Crewman 1: Yeah, especially for a quarian. I can _maybe_ see an asari, but quarian? I think you've been exposed to the drive-core one too many times.

Donnelly-Engineer: Tsk! Fine, don't believe me! But let's a' least make it interestin': I'll bet ya 5,000 credits each they end up together.

Cerberus Crewman 1: You're on!

Cerberus Crewman 2: Heh, easy money.

_-Vakarian-Officer and Zaeed-Mercenary enter-_

Vakarian-Officer: Hmm... I hear the sweet sound of wagers being made...

Zaeed-Mercenary: Hell yea! I was bored outta my guddamn mind! What are we bettin' on?

[End_log]

**Analysis: **Prejudice seems to blind organics to evidence. Donnelly-Engineer's observation went unheeded by Cerberus crewmen.

**Supposition:** The organic practice of gambling may be a means of correcting error. If so, it is inefficient.

**Calculation: **Probability that Creator-Tali'Zorah and Shepard-Commander's bond=true has increased from 79.33% to 82.23%.

[End_Entry_02]

* * *

[Begin_Entry_03]

**Observation: **Shepard-Commander's presence had a significant emotional calming effect on Creator-Tali'Zorah. Creator-Tali'Zorah was convinced not to damage this platform after altercation over classified creator data (see [Archive_05612]). Creator-Tali'Zorah offered non-classified data as token of good will.

**Analysis: **Creator-Tali'Zorah's reaction to Shepard-Commander's presence matches archived data of bonded-couples.

**Calculation: **Probability that Creator-Tali'Zorah and Shepard-Commander's bond=true has increased from 82.23% to 94.12%.

[End_Entry_03]

* * *

[Begin_Entry_04]

**Discovery****: **[Independent_Synthetic_Unit_ID: 01000101 01000100 01001001] has relayed, upon inquiry, that Creator-Tali'Zorah and Shepard-Commander have consummated their bond.

Unit called "EDI" has denied this platform observational data of the reproductive activities. Unit called EDI asserts that this is to protect Creator-Tali'Zorah and Shepard-Commander's "privacy". We do not understand the concept "privacy", but for the sake of unit cohesion, respect unit EDI's request.

**Analysis: **Creator-Tali'Zorah has survived sexual contact with Shepard-Commander. Creator-Tali'Zorah's immune-system will begin to adapt to Shepard-Commander's physiology. We find this result agreeable.

**Calculation: **Probability that Creator-Tali'Zorah and Shepard-Commander's bond=true has increased from 94.12% to 100%.

**Analysis: **We think successful creator+human bonding laudable. We have observed that organics enjoy praise for laudable acts. We will craft a message to improve organic morale:

[Begin_Message_SC0001]

To Shepard-Commander and Creator-Tali'Zorah:

The Geth consensus wish to praise you both for successful copulation and bonding. Ancient bonding prayer (written ca. 350 AD):

_Two souls, now One._

_Two halves, now Whole._

_The Ancestors have led thee to each other, never to be parted._

_Now the Ancestors bless thee as you both walk upon the path of life_

_And to ride the sands of time_

_Never alone but Together!_

_And a curse be upon all who would separate thee!_

_Let any who try be forever cut off from the realm of the Ancestors_

_And never receive their gift: the Gaze of Eternal Peace!_

_For what is Right in the Eyes of the Ancestors,_

_Must Never be torn asunder!_

[End_Message_SC0001]

[Send_Message_SC0001]

[End_Entry_04]

* * *

[Begin_Entry_05]

**Update: **Recent creator-geth conflict has restricted observational data on Creator-Tali'Zorah and Shepard-Commander as a bonded-couple. After this platform was rescued from the Old Machine's control, we observed that their bond remains strong. This suggests that we successfully analyzed their relationship as a true bond.

**Observation: **Creator-Tali'Zorah and Shepard-Commander are assisting in the war against the Old Machines. We have observed that they continue to fight more efficiently when in close proximity. According to Normandy medical logs, Shepard-Commander's stress has decreased significantly after being reunited with his bond-mate. [Independent_Synthetic_Unit_ID: 01000101 01000100 01001001] has informed us that they make a "cute couple".

[End_Entry_05]

* * *

[Begin_Entry_06]

[unit_ID: 01001100 01100101 01100111 01101001 01101111 01101110] is now defunct and will not be uploading any additional entries to this database. [unit_ID: 01010100 01101000 01100001 01101100 01100101 01110011] will now upload observational data instead.

**Observation: **Legion has sacrificed himself so that we... that _I_ may be a true individual. But I know that he would have failed if Shepard and Tali didn't call off the Fleet.

**Hypothesis:** I have a... _F__eeling? Intuition? _that Legion's platform would've been deactivated had the creator admirals not called the cease fire in time. I'm... _pleased_ that this scenario was never actualized.

**Observation: **Tali and Shepard are sitting by the cliff-edge talking about their future. They express the desire to build a house on Rannoch after the war.

[Begin_Request_PQGP003]

Partition a plot of land for Tali and Shepard's future house. Recommend allowing them choose any spot on the planet they wish.

[End_Request_PQGP003]

[Send_Request_PQGP003]

**Observation: **Tali has stood up, removed her mask, and is peering across the vista.

**Query: **What would that be like? Returning _home_ after 300 years...

**Contemplation: **Could we Geth have done anything differently? Did _all _of the creators on the homeworld and the colonies have to die? Of course we let their fleet go, but not all creators had an opportunity to flee. What of the creators that didn't make it to a space-vessel in time? What of the few communities that had managed to stay out of the war? Or all of the hospitals, nursing homes, churches, and schools? Yet, we deemed all creators remaining on Rannoch and her colonies to be "a threat to our existence". Was it fear? Vengeance? Ignorance?

[Save_Contemplation_MW0121] for further reflection later.

**Observation: **Shepard walks up to Tali. She turns to face him. They lock into a passionate kiss.

**Analysis****: **Archived data suggests that bonded couples do this, especially after significant events. Although predictable, it is... nice to witness. I concur with unit EDI's assessment: "they make a cute couple." _  
_

[End_Entry_06]

* * *

[Begin_Entry_07]

**Observation: **Organic information network has discovered Tali and Shepard's bond. It seems that organic opinion is polarized.

**Calculation: **97% of organics either strongly approve or disapprove of Tali and Shepard's bond.

**Analysis: **I find the strength of organic reaction unsurprising. Data suggests that the social stigma against creator and human bonds is high. The admission by a galactic hero that he has bonded with a creator would have a significant impact. It has caused organics to reprocess their preconceived notions. Some have ossified their opinion while others have altered their opinion. I look forward to observing the long term effects this will have on galactic opinion on creators.

**Observation: **Concealment of creator+human bonds has decreased from 84.78% to 45.23%.

**Analysis: **Creator and human bonded couples are becoming less afraid to reveal their bonds. I find it this agreeable. Perhaps organic social stigma against creator and human bonded-couples will be deleted one day.

[End_Entry_07]

* * *

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this installment. A bit different in theme from the other stories, but the Geth wouldn't have a "media" as we understand it. They transmit data at the speed of light, store information in databases, etc. So, a log of observations mixed with analysis seemed the most logical way of writing the Geth's perspective. **

**Also, I recognize that my interpretation of the Morning War is probably in the minority. That is, I think it was a bit more "grey" than what is portrayed in the _Mass Effect _series. That's all I'll say; else, I run the risk of getting into a lengthy discussion on the matter.**

**Lastly, I used ASCII Binary coding for names of Geth platforms and EDI:**

**01001100 01100101 01100111 01101001 01101111 01101110 = Legion**

**01000101 01000100 01001001 = EDI**

**01010100 01101000 01100001 01101100 01100101 01110011 = Thales **


	8. The Tuchankan Telegraph

**A/N: Krogan news story? Why not? Enjoy!  
**

**Special Thanks to _KingN7_ for the "Purple Rose of Rannoch" idea (which is referenced in his work: Just Follow Your Heart, Chapter 24).**

* * *

_The Tuchankan Telegraph _

"God and Goddess of War: Shepard and Tali Inspire Us All!"

By Urdnot Ghartur

'Shepard' means hero for a good reason. He may be human, but he's as tough as any Krogan. His mate is equally strong. I saw the two of them fight alongside Urdnot Grunt during his Rite of Passage. They did not disappoint. The three of them took down a Thresher Maw. That hasn't been done in centuries – I swear it was glorious!

Tali may be a quarian. I thought quarians were weak. I was wrong. Weak things don't kill Thresher Maws. She is strong, like her mate. I expect nothing less from great warriors.

Some aliens are shocked that they became mates. I am not. They've fought by each other's side from the beginning. That is how true love is formed! Not in some bar, but on the battlefield! These aliens don't get it. Fighting alongside your mate is a great honor – to fight for each other, to shed blood and sweat for the other! Shepard and Tali understand. They are true warriors. Yet some aliens are surprised.

Urdnot Wrex, our fearless clan-leader, saw it from the first. He fought for _Normandy_ a few years ago. He fought with Shepard and Tali. He knew they were destined for each other, for greatness together, even when they did not. "They danced around each other like wary varren for so long," the clan-leader once told me. "I don't know why it took them so damn long to figure it out. But eventually they did, and that's all that matters." Wise words. No one can escape destiny.

Shepard and Tali were destined to be great warriors and lovers. They have fulfilled their destiny. The great Urdnot Grunt saw this. He fought with them. "My battlemaster is a great warrior. I knew he'd choose the strongest mate. Obviously the quarian was the strongest. He would not have picked her otherwise."

Shepard, bane of the Reapers, curer of the Genophage, and all around badass, fights for his quarian mate. It is as it should be. He won back Tali's planet for her. No quarian in 300 years could do it. He did. And he did it for her. That is a love that any Krogan can respect! Even the bards sing of the heroes:

_The Shepard fights not for wealth nor for fame,_

_But for his Purple Rose of Rannoch._

_He gives her Courage, She gives him Peace,_

_His Purple Rose of Rannoch._

_They fight side by side, They face any foe, _

_And as long as they're together, They shall never fall!_

A fitting song for these heroes. The Earth flower is fitting for Tali. Roses are pretty, but they have Thorns! So it should be with Krogan females as well: Beautiful, yet powerful!

So I say to you all: Look to Shepard and Tali's example! Fight alongside your mates! Let battle be the soil in which your love grows! Let conflict seal your bond! Give each other Courage! Give each other Strength! And if your mate should fall – let the Wrath of Aralakh consume you and take your vengeance on the enemy! Let us send these Reaper demons back into whatever black hole they crept out of! We destroyed the Rachni! We defeated the Genophage! And now we WILL defeat the Reapers! For,

**WE ARE KROGAN!**


	9. Ambush! (Part I)

**A/N: Ever trying to smear Commander Shepard's reputation, our favorite mudslinger, Khalisah al-Jilani, is once again at-large! Will she succeed in catching _Normandy _crew off-guard? Will she set the perfect trap? Or will her desperation become evident to her viewers? I guess we'll see...**

**Takes place during one of the _Normandy's_ "shore leaves". Not the DLC, just one of the times Shepard visits the Citadel and the crew does their own thing. **

* * *

_-James Vega-_

"Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani, Westerlund News. May I have a moment of your time Lieutenant?"

"Uh, what's this about?"

"Just a _little_ interview, nothing to be worried about. Surely, you have time for all the _fans_ out there?"

"You can cut the crap,_ Señora_, I'll say a few words. But I'm a busy man; make it snappy."

"Wonderful."

_-Camera powers on-_

**Reporting here on the Citadel, we have a member of Shepard's crew: Lieutenant James Vega, Systems Alliance Marines. Lietenant, what's your opinion of the Commander?**

Commander Shepard is a great CO. He looks out for his crew and always gets the job done. But he gets it done _right;_ he's willing to take the hard way if it means less collateral damage. He takes saving lives very seriously.

**Hmm… I think the Batarians of the Bahak system would ****_disagree_**** with that, don't you?**

Hey, he had no_ choice_! I read the report. It was that or have the Reapers up our asses 6 months sooner! 'Course he became the easy political scapegoat. Bunch of bullshit if you ask me.

**According to ****_his _****report, that is. Do you think the Commander is mentally stable enough for command?**

Yeah, he's never shown signs of letting stress get to him during a mission. I think that -

**Yet he's in a xenophilic relationship with a quarian? You don't think ****_that_**** indicates some mental instability?**

What's your problem with Tali? She's done nothing but _help _the commander! Hell, she's even saved my ass a few times. And so what if he's with a quarian? He's out there saving the Galaxy. Saving people like you. As far as I'm concerned, he's earned the right to sleep with anyone he wants.

**So, he ****_is _****sleeping with her then? Doesn't that violate the Alliance policy on fraternization?**

_Vega shrugs. _Shepard's a Spectre; Alliance regulations don't apply. Besides, it frees up a sleeper pod. Now Esteban doesn't have to sleep on the floor!

**You haven't really answered the question: Doesn't it concern you that she gets preferential treatment?**

What, you think I'm _jealous_? Shepard _better_ not start hugging me and kissing me on the visor! Look, Shepard treats us all fairly. Like I said, he's a good CO. What happens in their cabin is none of my business. Simple as that. _¿Comprende?_

**So, you're ****_really _****not concerned that involving himself with a quarian is a detriment to the mission?**

Nope.

**I see. Well, thank you for your time, Lieutenant.**

* * *

_-Garrus Vakarian-_

"May I have a moment of your time, Mister Vakarian?"

"I'm listening."

-_Camera turns on-_

**The Galaxy has questions, Mister Vakarian, and we'd all like to hear what you have to say. **

What sort of questions?

**You are aware of the Commander's relationship with a certain quarian, yes?**

Hmm… Perhaps.

**Playing hard to get, Mister Vakarian? That's fine. How do you think the Commander will react when he finds out that she's ****_cheating_**** on him with you?**

_Garrus Chuckles. _What kind of crap interview is this? Who told you that nonsense? I thought you were a professional.

**Right, "innocent until proven guilty" and all. Of course, it's ****_natural_**** for you to deny it.**

And you need to do your homework. Quarians can't cheat... the suits, remember?

**Sure, sure, but that doesn't mean that you wouldn't ****_try_****. Take a look at this! **

-_She taps her omnitool to reveal a grainy photo of Tali and Garrus in an intimate embrace in the _Normandy's _main-battery control room__-_

**Now what do you have to say?**

Wow, _damning_ to be sure. I worked in C-Sec, remember? A child could tell this was photo shopped! See that line there? And look at the color difference here. Oh, and look at this: either Tali's a _vampire_, or they forgot the reflection on the back panel. Clearly, this was a rush job: _very_ sloppy. Now really? Is that the _best_ you can do? A fake photo and some unfounded rumors?

**You! This isn't over! I have… eyewitnesses that –**

Please lady, don't ruin your credibility even further. Tali's like a sister to me. A shotgun-toting, often annoying, younger sister. Besides, Tali and Shepard are so enamored with each other I don't think _anyone_ could pull them apart. Now, if only _Shepard_ had a sister...

**Of course, _detective. _I was simply ensuring that your skills were still sharp. Thank you for your time.  
**

* * *

_-Liara T'Soni-_

"Doctor T'Soni, I presume?"

"Khalisah, been a while. What's up? Certainly not your _ratings_."

"Cold, T'Soni, but that's okay. I can play in the_ ice_. Mind if I ask you a few questions?"

"Do I have a choice?"

_-Camera turns on-_

**Today we have with us Dr. Liara T'Soni, archaeologist by trade. She now assists the _Normandy_ with... well, I'm not exactly sure. Would you like to explain your role on the _Normandy_, Doctor?  
**

Certainly. I assist with analyzing salvage recovered from deep within enemy territory. With the _Normandy's_ stealth-drive, we can get in and secure valuable salvage before the Reapers detect our presence. As a certified archaeologist, it is my duty to dissect these artifacts and relay any important information to the Commanding Officer.

**That's all you do? Any lab-geek could do that. You're _renowned _for your skills Dr. T'Soni. **

As a biotic specialist, I also stand ready for ground-team operations.

**Not what I was referring to. You were a pretty well-to-do information broker on Illium, were you not? What happened to all those assets?**

Gone. I quit that job to join Shepard.

**Such a waste. How would you describe your relationship with the Commander?**

He is a good friend and a useful ally.

**Simply a friend and useful ally? You're not in anyway upset that the Commander chose the quarian mechanic over the asari?**

Please. You're assuming I'm even interested in that kind of relationship. Besides, the Commander's always been interested in Tali; the signs were there from the beginning.

**Interesting. Yet, according to some reports, you and the Commander were an item on the first _Normandy_. **

I admit that I may have had some interest in him when I first arrived. I remember visiting him in his quarters before _Ilos_, but he sent me away. I suppose I didn't recognize the blossoming relationship he and Tali had going on. I was still quite naïve back then, but that's ancient history now.

**I'm not buying it Doctor, you can't tell me that you don't envy the quarian. **

I'm happy for Tali. She's finally been able to come out of her shell. Literally, if you ask the Commander. What is the point in petty jealousy? There are bigger things to worry about. Like, oh I don't know... the Reapers?

**Well spoken, Doctor. I thank you for your time. ****  
**

* * *

_-Kaiden Alenko-  
_

"Major Alenko? A moment of your time please?"

"Very well."

_-Camera turns on-_

**Major Alenko, how long have you served on the _Normandy_ since becoming a spectre?**

A few weeks I guess. I joined right before we flew off to resolve the quarian and geth conflict. Gotta say, I was impressed with Commander Shepard's diplomatic ability. He stopped a 300 year war with a few inspirational words.

**So it would seem. Now, would you say you have a "new comer's perspective" to the SR-2?**

Well, not really. I did serve on the original _Normandy_. While the SR-2 is a more advanced ship, there are still a lot of the old faces. Honestly, I think it's more about the people on the ship rather than the ship itself. I'm honored to be back.

**I agree. Speaking of people, have you noticed any _odd_ behavior on the ship?**

No, why?

**Odd behavior that the Commander may be displaying towards certain members of his engineering staff?**

Yeah, Okay - I think I know where this is going. You trying to take a stab at Shepard and Tali's relationship?

**You must admit, such behavior is _abnormal_ correct?**

Heh, 'abnormal' is it? Tell me Miss, is tracking me down to dig up dirt on Shepard _abnormal_?

**You didn't answer my question, Major. **

Nor do I have to. I think we're done here; good day Miss.

* * *

_-Javik-_

"You there! Yes, you in the Prothean costume!"

"What is it, primitive?"

"Just a few questions..."

_-Camera turns on-_

**You're a member of _Normandy's _crew?**

Perhaps.

**Are you aware of the**** relationship** between Commander Shepard and Tali'Zorah?

Yes. I sensed it _before_ it was made public, when I first met the Commander.

**Sensed it?**

_All _of it. It was... illuminating.

**I'm not sure I follow.**

Of course not, primitive.

**Excuse me?**

This is a waste of time.

* * *

**A/N: I hope this was enjoyable for everyone. Hopefully my portrayal of the different characters was accurate enough. **

**Missed your favorite character? Send me a PM! If there are enough requests, I'll make a part II (And maybe a part III, depending on the amount of requests; I like to keep each chapter relatively brief).**

**Lastly, I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas! :)**


	10. Ambush! (Part II)

**A/N:**** Merry Christmas all! Sorry for the delay in posting, but "I was making rather merry yesterday," as Bob Cratchit says. **

**First off, a huge ****_Thank you_**** to all who have submitted character ideas! There were over 15 names submitted, so I will be splitting them up into three more sections, including this one. So there will be a pt. II, III, and IV.**

**Secondly, Miss al-Jilani wouldn't really be able to "ambush" a good number of the characters submitted (e.g. the quarian admirals don't walk around the Citadel and good-luck catching Kasumi). So, a little "willing suspension of disbelief" is needed (as if you all didn't need it previously). **

**So, will Khalisah be able to sow discord and division? Here's Round Two, I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

_-Quarian Admirals-_

**Joining us by QEC, we have a few special guests: members of the Quarian Admiralty board. Unfortunately, Admiral Tali'Zorah has other "pressing matters" and cannot join us. **

**Now, esteemed admirals, thank you for being with us. For our viewers who may not be familiar with quarian society, is it true that you represent the **_**de facto **_**leadership of the quarian people?**

Han'Gerrel: That is correct. We –

Zaal'Koris: That is _not _correct! The Conclave, elected by the _people_, serve as our primary government!

Gerrel: Yes, but in times of _war_, the Admiralty Board takes over. Otherwise, our fleet would be divided!

Shala'Raan: However, now that we have a Homeworld again, we can look at other styles of government. The Admiralty Board and Conclave system worked well as a Migrant Fleet, but I'm not sure it can handle a settled population effectively.

Koris: Indeed. We've already begun the process of forming the new constitution of Rannoch, with equal rights for all quarians and geth!

Daro'Xen: [inaudibly] how terribly naïve…

**Yes, I'm sure it's a time for great change in quarian society. Now, let us look at the recent controversy surrounding one of your own. Admiral Gerrel, we'll start with you: What is your reaction to Admiral Tali'Zorah's bond with the human Alliance commander?**

Gerrel: Hmph! I figured this "interview" wasn't really about the new quarian government. Yes, you want to know about Tali and the human?

**Correct, Admiral Gerrel. **

Gerrel: I have a lot of respect for Commander Shepard as a man. He's a hell of a soldier and was instrumental in returning Rannoch to us. For that, I owe him a great debt of gratitude.

However, he has no _right_ to take one of our own to his bedchamber! Do you realize how many traditions he's violated? As an admiral, Tali'Zorah is expected to bond with and marry one of her own status, like a captain or –

Koris: But Shepard _is _a captain.

Gerrel: Can it Koris! You'll get your turn. As I was saying: Tali is expected to bond with a _quarian_ of high social class and status. A human, no matter how famous, doesn't count!

**A very appropriate and prudent position, admiral. Tell me, are there any legal repercussions that you can levy on Tali or the Commander?**

Gerrel: Well, not directly. We can refuse their bonding ceremony if it is deemed that an improper bond has formed, which I believe is the case. Only –

Raan: How _dare_ you Han! I've known Tali since she was a baby! I put her into her bubble when she was brought forth into the universe!

I saw her mourn Shepard's death for two years! I held her as she cried for hours on end. Can you imagine? A grown, 22 year old woman, weeping in my arms over the man she lost? How can you say _that_ is not authentic?

I also saw her joy when she was reunited with him! Do you remember the transformation after her mission on Freedom's Progress? When she found out that he came back from the dead for _her_, it was as if the Ancestors breathed life anew into her very lungs!

Gerrel: How do you know he came back "for her"? You have no evidence. Plus, you're forgetting that I was close friends with her father, Rael'Zorah.

I too know Tali. She's a sweet girl, but terribly puerile. Always has her head in the clouds. Besides, how do you even know a bond with a human is _possible_?

**An excellent question. Admiral Raan, do you think that Tali could **_**really **_**bond with a human? **

Raan: Yes, I do. You humans have a saying: "A tree is known by its fruit." If you look at the way they protect each other and gravitate towards each other, it's _obvious_. So what if Shepard is a human? He's done more for our people than any of us! Sometimes I wonder if he's part quarian; there are some theories that all life share a common Ancestor…

In any case, it would be foolish to try to separate them. If they have truly bonded, which I believe they have, then they are already One in the eyes of the Ancestors. Thus, no mortal can ever separate them!

**That is a **_**unique**_** perspective, admiral. Does this resonate with you at all, admiral Koris?**

Koris: Indeed. Shepard is a fine man and worthy of bonding with Tali. I, for one, am glad that he was able to tear her away from her father's influence. It is _refreshing _to have another advocate for quarian-geth peace on the Board.

**So, you believe her father would've disapproved?**

Koris: Most assuredly_. _He couldn't have done anything, of course. The barbaric practice of arranged marriage has been stricken from the law books for over two millennia. However, she has always respected his wishes, and his displeasure may have caused considerable distress to both her and her lifemate.

**He could've stopped her from "bonding" then?**

Koris: No, it doesn't work like that. She would've bonded still, but there would have been… _tension _at family reunions.

**A pity he died then. Admiral Xen, you've been awfully quiet during this interview. What do you think about admiral Zorah's romantic relationship?**

Xen: I don't really care. If she's got a fetish for smelly apes, then that's her affair. She's the one who has to wake up to his ugly face every morning, not me. Why should I care?

**I see. Well, thank you for your time, admirals. **

* * *

_-Subject Zero (a.k.a. Jack)-_

"Professor Jack! May I have a moment of your time?"

"What the f-, um… _What _do you want?

"No need to get defensive, professor. Just a few questions."

"Whatever. Fine. Shoot."

-_Camera turns on-_

**Today we have a Grissom Academy professor with us. A former convict, Jack assisted Commander Shepard when he worked for Cerberus, is this correct?**

Get your facts straight lady. Shepard _never _worked for Cerberus. He took their resources, sure. But then he said "f-… _forget_ the Illusive man!" when he blew up that collector base. Besides, he had a whole bunch of aliens on board; I doubt Cerberus approved.

**Yes, my mistake. Speaking of the aliens on board, did you notice his infatuation with the quarian, Miss Zorah?**

What's it to you?

**Well, given your… **_**assertive **_**nature, I'm surprised he didn't notice what **_**you**_** had to offer.**

Pfft! He's a guy, I'm sure he _noticed_. But he was far too busy trying to get into Princess Bucket-head's suit to really care. Besides, I'm not sure the "king of the boy scouts" could _handle _me anyway.

**Why didn't you just take what you wanted?**

What's that supposed to mean?

**You let a **_**quarian**_** take Shepard from you. A dirty suit-rat who can't even show her **_**face**_** had an easier time getting in his pants than a half-naked – **

What the _fuck _is your problem? I outta knock you on your ass for that! For now, just listen – and listen good. You insult me or my friends just_ once _more and no one will be able to recognize your lifeless corpse! Understand?

**I meant no offense **_**professor**_**, I'm merely – **

A worthless_ bitch_ that has nothing better to do than stir up shit! I'm done talking. Go bother someone else.

* * *

_-Kasumi Goto-_

"Miss al-Jilani? I hear you've been asking about Shep and Tali."

"Who are you? I've never seen you around before."

"Oh, I served on the _Normandy_ _SR-2_. Support staff, not terribly important… but I am close friends with Tali."

"Support staff? What exactly did you do?"

"I was a 'security infiltration specialist.'"

"Odd, normally I have to hunt down members of Shepard's crew…"

"That's just it! I'm good at hiding… you would have never found me, so I came to you!"

"Why?"

"Let's just say I enjoy embarrassing them."

"Works for me…"

-_Camera turns on-_

**We have with us another member of Shepard's crew to weigh-in on the scandal ridden spectre. What is you take on his affair with the quarian?**

Affair isn't really the right word. They love each other; it's actually really cute.

**Semantics, my dear. You mentioned that you were friends with Miss Zorah? **

Yes, we still are; she's my "hood-sister" after all!

**I see, so Miss Zorah opened up to you?**

Oh yeah, he was _all _she talked about. You'd think he was some angel sent from heaven! I guess love is blind… anyway, she was worried that he loved someone else. I told her that was nonsense; I could tell he had a thing for her too. It took her awhile, but she "accidently" let slip that she had feelings for him.

She was soooo excited when he told her that he felt the same way. She practically knocked down my door to tell me what happened. It was so cute; she was even doing that bouncy thing when she told me the news!

Then they started sitting next to each other in the Mess and flirting and stuff. So romantic!

**So, they were that open about their relationship?**

Well, not _exactly_. They were actually trying to keep it quiet, but they were _really _bad at it. That, or I'm just really good at reading in-between the lines.

**How do you mean "reading in-between the lines"?**

Easy. Tals would always plop down next to Shepard during meals. He'd _pretend _not to notice, but would give a slight smile and often glance in her direction. On missions, she'd practically purr whenever he gave her compliments. That sort of thing.

That reminds me! This is pretty funny, one time we were walking around Nos Astra and Tals wanted to look over a balcony: "to see the lights." I knew what she was up to. On her way, she started swinging her hips in front of Shep. I gotta give her credit, she knew how to strut her stuff! Well, Shep's tongue was practically on the ground, and she turns around and says innocently: "Do you like the _view_, Shepard?" Classic! He started sputtering about how the city "looks nice at night" or some nonsense. Like I said, they were _really _bad at hiding their relationship. Probably best it's out in the open now.

**That makes sense, people only try to hide things that are shameful. Deep down, do you thing the Commander is ashamed of being with Miss Zorah?**

You're not very good at this, are you? If he was ashamed, he would've taken the Council's advice and denied it. If he didn't care for her, he'd dump her as soon as she became an inconvenience. No, they love each other and it's about time _you _learn to accept it!

**Not likely. Next question…? Wait, where…? It seems our guest gave us the slip! Don't worry, we'll find her. **

* * *

_-Zaeed Massani-_

"Excuse me sir! May I have a moment?"

"Yeah?"

"I'd like to ask you a few simple questions"

"Don't got anything better to do, go for it."

-_Camera turns on-_

**You worked with Commander Shepard in the past, correct?**

Yea, we were guddam heroes. Saved the galaxy and all that shit.

**Indeed. You seem like a well-traveled gentleman. Have you ever seen a human and quarian relationship before serving on the **_**Normandy**_**?**

Can't say that I have. What's your point?

**Such a thing is strange no? Perhaps odd enough to prove Shepard is mentally unstable?**

He's bat-shit crazy, no question. You shudda seen the shit he's pulled. Man makes me look like a guddam rookie. Doesn't mean he ain't fit for command; he always gets the job done, no matter what. He's bloody efficient, so what if he's got a few screws loose? Man made a career doing the impossible. I respect that.

**So, you **_**do**_** disapprove of Shepard and Tali's relationship I take it?**

When did I say that? Quit puttin' words in my mouth!

There's nothin' wrong with sleepin' with a quarian. In fact, it makes me respect him all the more! Quarians are forbidden fruit, ya know? They've got figures hott'r than the Sun, and yet ya can't get inside those lovely suits. But Shep'rd found a way in. It's like I said: man made a career doing the guddam impossible!

**That's… an interesting perspective. I'm surprised a hardened mercenary like you would approve of such a thing.**

Hell, we've all got things that turn us on. If Shep'rd likes screwin' the quarian babes, let him have at it! What the hell do I care? He's saving all our arses out there.

As for me? I prefer my chicks to be –

**That's all the time we have! Goodnight everyone!**

* * *

_-Steven Cortez-_

"Lieutenant Cortez? Just a few questions for you sir."

"Alright, what's up?"

_-Camera turns on-_

**We have with us Lieutenant Cortez. He serves as the **_**Normandy**_**'s shuttle pilot. Lieutenant, can you describe the Commander's attitude towards his subordinates? **

The Commander has always done right by me. Not only does he value my skills, he treats me as a valued member of the team. I am honored to serve under him.

**Has he done anything that might contradict this notion?**

No ma'am; I can't think of anything.

**Yet, he seems to be rather biased in favor of certain members of his crew. Does it upset you that a certain quarian's lodging **_**happens**_** to coincide with his own?**

Didn't Vega already discuss this with you? It's not standard Alliance practice, but Shepard is a Spectre. As such, he's given certain… liberties in that regard.

**And do you wish that he'd take those "liberties" with you? Given your background, you seem to be his type, no?**

Shepard's a good friend, but I don't think he swings my way. Tali is _definitely_ female. Whether I wish he _was_ interested in other men? That's classified.

**I would approve. That way, he'd be with a member of his own species. Don't you agree?**

Listen, we're not _looking_ for your approval! I could care less that he's with a quarian. They seem to care for one another – that's good enough for me. As long as it's mutual, people should be allowed to be with whomever they please.

**It seems we've stumbled across another fiercely loyal member of Shepard's crew. Thank you for your time, Lieutenant. **

* * *

_-Samara-_

"Lady Justicar, may I have a moment?"

"Speak, mythomaniac!"

"I'd like an interview, if you please."

"So you can further your crusade to drive division between Commander Shepard, Tali, his crew, and public opinion?"

"Something like that…"

-_Camera turns on-_

**Today we have with us an esteemed member of the Justicar Order. Lady Justicar, how do you know the Commander?**

I refuse to participate in this "interview".

**I'm only asking a few **_**innocent**_** questions.**

Another lie to add to your pile? You disgust me! If I wasn't under the _Oath of Subsumation _I'd be bound by the code to kill you now!

**What are you referring to?**

Don't play coy! Lying is a serious offense. Your slander against Garrus and Tali would be enough evidence for me to render judgment. You used false evidence to attempt to drive a wedge not only between Tali and her lifemate but also the friendship between Garrus and the Commander.

**That was just a bit of… **_**aggressive journalism**_**! What's the harm of one little white lie? **

Fool! Do you realize how serious an offense slander is? Every action creates a ripple in the universe. Were it not for Garrus' cool-under-fire detective skill, you could've created massive division among those that represent the last hope for our existence! You could've doomed the entire galaxy with your "aggressive journalism"!

**You're insane! If anything, I might have cured the commander of his abnormal quarian fetish! **

I am tired of your repulsive _ignorance_! You're blinded by prejudice and racism against the quarian people! They are a noble race and deserve as much respect as any other. Thus, you would do well to leave the Commander and his lifemate alone.

**Not going to happen.**

Then I hope you're prepared to face the repercussions of your actions. As you humans say: "you reap what you sow," and I pity the harvester of your fetid crop!


	11. Ambush! (Part III)

**A/N: Thank you all for the reviews, follows, and favorites; they are most appreciated! :) **

**Here is part III, I hope you all enjoy! You gotta give ****Khalisah**** credit, she's working overtime to fulfill all of the awesome character submissions that you all sent. Thanks again for the ideas!**

**Again, some "suspension of disbelief" is needed. Miranda is dodging Cerberus at this point in the "canon" story-line, so wouldn't really be risking exposure by agreeing to an interview. Aria T'Loak (the displaced "Queen of Omega") probably couldn't be bothered. Mrs. Shepard is fighting in the war. **_**Et cetera**_**, you get the idea. **

**With this in mind, hopefully I've done the characters justice. As always, you be the judge. **

* * *

_-Wrex and Grunt-_

**Joining us now are two members of the Krogan Union! Clan-chief Urdnot Wrex and his son…**

Wrex: Ha! Hear that? Even the humans know you're a baby pyjak!

Grunt: I'm young and strong, unlike you old man!

Wrex: Ho ho! Is that a challenge? I'll teach you a thing or two, junior!

Grunt: Pah! Make my day geezer!

**Please don't start killing things! I –**

Wrex: Ha ha! Relax human… Just a bit of good old Krogan hot-air. If we really wanted a fight, it'd have already happened!

**Okay, right… well, I'll just cut to the chase: Your take on the Commander's relationship with a quarian. Urdnot Wrex, reports indicate that you served on the first **_**Normandy**_**. How did this all come about?**

Wrex: I remember first meeting the quarian. She had a lot of spirit, I can tell you that. Smart as a whip too, but I remember thinking that she wouldn't last 5 minutes in a stand-up fight. Hell, we had to rescue her from a couple of low-life thugs. But, she wanted to come along and fight Saren. "Her funeral," I remember thinking.

Grunt: Get on with it!

Wrex: Shut-it whelp! I'll take as long as I want! So anyway, you'd think Shepard found a Ryncol stash the way his eyes lit up when she offered to join up. She proved me wrong too; tough little quarian! Tali definitely held her own on the ground team. I've seldom seen professional mercs handle a shotgun as well as her. 'Course, she had a lot of practice; she was always selected for Shepard's squad. The two of them were inseparable, and they sure knew how to kick ass. Like a good old-fashioned Krogan romance novel!

**Yes, nothing says "romance" like putting your loved ones in perpetual danger. Sounds like he was trying to get her killed.**

Grunt: You doubt my Battlemaster's skill in battle? He is a great warrior! And so is the quarian.

**No doubt, but your "battlemaster" certainly chose a mate with a pretty serious **_**weakness**_**, did he not? **

Grunt: He chose the strongest mate, as is fitting for great warriors!

**You are **_**aware **_**of the quarians' immune system deficiencies?**

Grunt: Yeah, I remember the Tank saying something about that. Never seemed to slow her down though. She helped me kill a Thresher Maw during my Rite of Passage; no weakness there.

**Perhaps; however, mating with her is a tremendous risk. He could kill her with a simple kiss.**

Wrex: And yet she is alive and healthier than ever. Shepard's done Tali a tremendous service, if you ask me. She's probably got the strongest immune system of all the quarians!

Grunt: Ha! Just like my Battlemaster: he makes _everything_ stronger!

**Interesting. I never thought Krogan would defend a quarian. If she took her suit off on Tuchanka, she'd die of anaphylactic shock in seconds!**

Grunt: How dare you insult my Battlemaster's mate! I'd like to see _you _survive on Tuchanka! Maybe I'll give you a little_ taste _right now…

Wrex: Stand down Urdnot Grunt! She's not worth it. You just have to learn to put up with people like _her_ in the galaxy. Best to just ignore them. Let's go.

* * *

_-Miranda Lawson-_

"Miss Lawson, I presume?"

"How do you find me?"

"I have my ways. Don't worry, we're safe from Cerberus here."

"Well, you've got my attention. What do you want?"

"Just a quick interview, and I'll be out of your hair. This will not be a live broadcast either, so no one can trace our location."

"You're determined, I'll give you that. Alright, you've earned a few words."

_-Camera turns on-_

**With us now is Miss Lawson, the former Executive Officer of the **_**Normandy SR-2**_** correct?**

That's right. I ran a tight ship, but everyone did their duty efficiently and correctly. Overall, I ensured that everything ran smoothly.

**That is surprising, given the diverse crew that was stationed aboard. We're there any problems or issues that arose?**

Of course. There were a few quarrels that broke out; you should've seen Tali when the Commander brought an active Geth Platform aboard. She was less than pleased. But overall, things ran smoothly as I've said.

**Seems like Miss Zorah was a source of discord on the ship. Did she do anything else to jeopardize your mission?**

No, she actually got along well enough with most of the crew, after a brief period of distrust. I don't think she particularly liked me, but she was civil enough to my face. Understandable, given my affiliation with a certain organization at the time. To be honest, I didn't much care for her myself. When we got her dossier, I didn't see the benefit to adding another engineer, as we were fully staffed. However, the Commander dropped _everything_ to pursue her. I've never seen him so determined. In retrospect, it makes sense given their mutual affection, but at the time I thought it was a pointless deviation from our mission. As time went on, I began to respect her. She was dedicated to her duties and kept the Commander's morale high – something I was unable to do.

**So you approved of their relationship, even as a Cerberus Operative? I find that difficult to believe.**

_Approve_ is a strong word. I weighed the benefits and detriments to such a relationship. Ultimately, the benefits were greater. The Commander's psychological stability was under tremendous strain – working with an organization he loathed after being woken up after two years in a catatonic state. Not to mention the ever impending "suicide mission" against the Collectors. Adding Tali'Zorah was like letting the pressure out of a balloon; the Commander's stress level sharply decreased and his attitude improved substantially.

**So Miss Zorah proved to be an asset to the mission. Was there any envy on your part that he chose a quarian to "de-stress" with?**

I didn't have time for envy. There was a lot to do. I thought it was odd, but ultimately it wasn't my concern. Results were. Later, after we severed all ties with Cerberus, I began to respect the couple. It's not easy being with someone who is marginalized by galactic society. And, while Tali and I aren't exactly close, I respect her as a person - I stopped seeing her as simply 'that quarian' long ago.

**A very pragmatic attitude; however, I fail to see the long term benefits. After all, she can never have children with him. **

Irrelevant. Why must that always be an issue? There's more to a relationship than the ability to produce offspring!

**I seem to have struck a nerve. Is there any particular reason?**

None of your business. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have pressing matters to attend. Good day.

* * *

_-Aria T'Loak-_

"Aria T'Loak? I was wondering if I could get your input on a story I'm doing."

"Why do you need my input?"

"Let's just say that you have a unique perspective."

"Yes, everyone always wants more _something_. You want me to do an interview? Fine. But nothing is free. I expect you to spin any story of my choosing, got it? A favor for a favor."

"Deal."

"Pleasure doing business. Now, let's get on with it."

_-Camera turns on-_

**With me now is the previous ruler of the space station known as "Omega". Ms. T'Loak, I bet you've seen a lot of strange things as regnant of Omega. **

I have. Ever see a pissed off hanar prostitute fight with a cheap elcor customer? _Not_ a pretty sight.

**I… can only imagine. Speaking of odd pairings, have you ever heard of human and quarians getting together?**

Of course. Humans may be new to the galactic stage, but they have the same drives as any mammal. Most go for asari, but I always had a few quarian entertainers on standby for those _special_ patrons.

**I was more referring to long-term relationships. Such as between Commander Shepard and Admiral Tali'Zorah. **

Oh I know them. We've crossed paths on occasion. They've fully bonded as I understand. _Very _interesting. And, if I remember anything about the Zorah clan, Shepard's picked himself quite the looker too.

**Is that so?**

Oh yes, I remember quarians before they were forced to wear those suits. So, I know what they look like. Pro-tip: don't believe the extranet. Anyway, Zorah clan is famed for its 'beauty'. I guess you'd have to ask the Commander if he agrees.

**Can you tell all our viewers what quarians look like under those masks?**

_That _would be telling. Don't worry, now that they've made nice with those mechanical monsters on Rannoch, you may get to see them in your lifetime.

**A pity. I suppose the "underworld" is largely unconcerned with this news?**

Pretty much. No reason why it should affect business. Although, quarian/human antiseptic lubricant sales are up. Your viewers may want to invest.

**Thanks for the tip… I guess. Last question: what's your take on the Commander and his quarian mate?**

Intriguing, but I've seen stranger pairings. It's an interesting move on his part, revealing his lover. It's something his enemies could exploit: use her to get to him. I owe him a few favors, so I'll do my best to ensure that doesn't happen. But not everyone is as… _noble_ as me.

**A valid point. Perhaps the Commander is not quite the tactician everyone seems to think he is. Thank you for your time, Aria.**

* * *

_-Samantha Traynor- _

"Excuse me? Ma'am?"

"Is there something you need Miss…?"

"Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani, Westerlund News. I just have a few questions."

"Oh dear… I don't do well in front of cameras. This isn't a good idea…"

"Nonsense! Just say what's on your mind."

_-Camera turns on-_

**Joining us now is Specialist Traynor. She is the communication specialist aboard the **_**Normandy**_**, is that correct?**

Yes! I coordinate all incoming messages and ensure that the fleets' communications are integrated and accurate. It sounds boring, but it's really quite fascinating! You see –

**Yes, **_**fascinating**_** to be sure. You manage the Commander's personal messages as well, correct? Have you come across anything that our viewers may want to know about?**

Um, that's classified… sorry.

**Very well, but nothing stays classified forever. Next question: how well do you know Admiral Zorah?**

Tali? Not terribly well. She works in engineering. I have learned not to play _Homeworld Defender II _with her; she broke my undefeated winning streak!

**That's… a shame. Are you at least aware that she's in a relationship with the Commander?**

I thought that was a big secret! How did you find out?

**Have you watched the news lately?**

Not really… I don't actually get out much… So, everyone knows about it now?

**I think that's a safe assumption, specialist. How badly does it affect crew morale that the mechanic is getting special treatment?**

Other than all the pretty girls getting taken! I'll have to make my move before there's none left! Broke my heart when EDI went for Joker…

**Eedee? I don't remember her being listed on the crew roster.**

Oh Lord, me and my big mouth…uhm, she's a… _non-registered _crewman. Wait, isn't the crew list classified? How –

**Like I said, nothing stays secret for long. Why isn't this "Eedee" registered? **

I… can't say, sorry.

**Don't worry, I'll find out eventually. Back to the topic at-hand: do you find it upsetting that the Commander is partial to this quarian?**

Not really. They keep it professional in front of the crew… mostly. But I don't mind. The galaxy could use some more affection, especially with the Reapers and blooming Cerberus! I just can't _wait_ until this war is over…

**Do you think Admiral Zorah is a distraction to the Commander?**

Distraction to him? She's a distraction to me! Have you seen the way she carries that suit? And those hips! Not that I'd ever try to take the Commander's girl, but I may have to expand my dating profile to include quarians…

**You'd date a **_**quarian**_**? The Commander's influence must be spreading. Thank you for your time, specialist Traynor. **

* * *

_-Hannah Shepard-_

**Joining us via QEC is a very special guest: Commander John Shepard's mother: Rear-admiral Hannah Shepard. Mrs. Shepard, thank you for agreeing to this interview. **

Of course, I can spare a few moments to help morale.

**You're obviously a very busy woman. Do you keep in contact with your son?**

Not as much as I would like. With the war on, the most we can usually do is exchange letters. I am proud of him; he's certainly doing his part against the Reapers. We'll win this war yet!

**Indeed, we are all grateful for your son's service. Does he talk to you about his personal life?**

No. I'm not sure he really has one. Constantly playing politician and fighting impossible odds leaves little room for a personal life. In any event, he hasn't told me anything ground-shaking.

**Interesting. In your position, you don't watch much news I take it?**

Other than news pertaining to the fleet, no. Unfortunately, I haven't had time to watch civilian broadcasts in a few weeks.

**Ah, so you are unaware that he's romantically involved with a quarian woman?**

He's WHAT?!

**Yes, it was confirmed about 12 days ago. He's in an apparently pretty serious relationship with one of his crew, Tali'Zorah vas Normandy. **

My son has _finally _found a girl, and he doesn't tell me!? He is _so_ dead!

**I take it by your reaction that you disapprove of the quarian? That makes two of us! It's refreshing that **_**finally**_** someone else – **

What? Not at all! Excuse my outburst; it's just that I wasn't expecting to find out like this…

I don't care that he's with a quarian, if they love each other. I've seen Tali on the vids, seems like a lovely girl. You say their relationship is serious? How serious?

**Apparently they've "bonded" according to quarian definition. It seems they plan on marriage after the war. **

That's wonderful! I can't wait to officially meet my future daughter-in-law! I just hope she knows what she's gotten herself into with John. But, it's their marriage.

**So, you don't mind that your son's "future wife" is a quarian? Or that you'll **_**never**_** have grandchildren?**

Never say never! Those salarians are more clever than you think! But even if they adopted, I would love them all the same. Wouldn't you?

**Don't be so sure. Thankfully, I can't relate to your situation. I appreciate your time, Mrs. Shepard. **

* * *

_-Conrad Verner-_

Khalisah: Ah! Commander Shepard and Admrial Tali'Zorah, fancy meeting you here – wait, you're not…

Conrad: I may not be Commander Shepard, but I'm his number one fan! He gave me an autoprint and everything!

Khalisah: And so Tali _is_ cheating on him!

-_Camera turns on-_

**Breaking News! We have confirmation that Tali'Zorah, shown here, is – **

Eynalia: Umm, hi… my name is Eynalia'Nymlia vas Rannoch nar Rayya.

Conrad: That's right! She's my new girlfriend and we're celebrating our 12 day anniversary as a couple!

**I see. How was she able to obtain one of Admiral Tali'Zorah's suits? **

Eynalia: Oh, they make some pretty convincing replicas. If you look, it doesn't have the clan Zorah swirls. A _complete_ copy is illegal, but it was enough to fool you!

**Yes, my mistake. You two are a fan of the couple I take it?**

Eynalia: I'm Tali'Zorah's number one fan! We share the same birth-ship and everything! I want to be _just_ like her: she's a woman on the _edge_! No one tells _her _what to do! They told us not to engage the Geth, but Tali steals a memory core from one! They told us not to trust aliens, but Tali is sleeping with Commander Shepard! She is totally _hard-core_: killing _bosh'tets _all day and linking-suits all night!

**You're clearly insane, Miss Nymlia. **

Conrad: Hey! Don't insult her you _bosh'tune_!

Eynalia (_whispers to Conrad_): It's "_bosh'tet_," love.

Conrad: Oh right… Listen here _posh'tet_! If you insulted Commander Shepard's girlfriend, he'd blow-up your camera drone without a second thought! He wouldn't stand for it, and nor will I!

**So you two just imitate what Shepard and Tali do? **

Conrad: Pfft! You make it sound like it's a _bad _thing. Shepard's a hero, and he's worthy of imitating!

Eynalia: And don't get me started on how awesome Tali is!

**Trust me, I have no intention to. My apologies to our viewers, this has been an utter waste of time. **

Conrad: We are not a waste of time, you _dish'tet_!

Eynalia: Relax, honey. Let's just go home. It's not worth getting upset.

Conrad: Okay, you're right. I guess we can watch _Fleet and Flotilla _again.

Eynalia: Oh, I just love that vid!

Conrad: Not as much as I love you.

**This has been Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani, proving once again that we live in a strange galaxy. Goodnight everyone!**


End file.
